“I AM BACK”
“For REAL I am”,
“Fine you got me….. I am not fully back at 100 percent but the truth is the little parts of me that are coming back I am very familiar with”.
My last blog that I posted back in 2016 “Sand Castles” i was in a whole world of pain.
I was a very different Mariam then;
A Mariam that I owe so much too, 2016 Mariam was the definition of the phrase “HOT MESS”, that Mariam was REAL ,BOLD AND RAW, she UNRAVELED and HEALED her own heart and soul, that Mariam did not let the world push her around, she had her moments of all hope was gone yes she stood her grounds and was UNSTOPPABLE;
The current Mariam…… well lets say I am doing what every I.T support person instructs us all to do when our electronics start to malfunction or glitch.
I am RESETTING,RESTORING and RESTARTING myself.
I finished and closed that chapter of my life with a few damages along the way that I have to now take the time to assess, manage or fix.
Soooo….. here I am pressing the RESET button and taking it back to the ROOTS.
From now till December my family and I are preparing to embark on an adventure of a life time !
WE ARE GOING HOME !!
Home as in Africa, WEST AFRICA, to be more specific SIERRA-LEONE the mother land !
I will be meeting my whole FAMILY for the first time in over 23 years which on its own is an overwhelming and scary feeling , yet I am also extremely excited and filled with so much joy for all the experiences i am going to learn and gain from this one trip.
I have lived in Australia since I was 6 years old, I am Australian through and through yet deep down i have always felt the need to TRULY know where i come from. I have always felt lost and confused on one hand , I have my very traditional African mother who has always demonstrated and taught me my culture and traditions, though at times jokingly and sometimes purposefully she would refer to me as the “WHITE WOMAN” because she believes that some of my values or behavior resembles one of a Caucasian person. In saying that she would always remind me that i am an AFRICAN WOMAN no matter how long i have lived overseas or how much our views may be different i am NOT WHITE I AM BLACK. I was primarily in a very Caucasian environment I was always the ” TOKEN BLACK KID” til i got to High School where by the time i was in year 12 (senior year) there was 5-7 other African students in a school with approximately over 1,200 students .
regardless of how many other black students there was at school I always felt “BLACK” around my friends.
As you can guess it was very confusing for me growing up, my mother and I would constantly clash due to the fact that we both have different environmental upbringing which conflicts with our views of how i should be or act. Our constant struggle to understand one another left me very confused back then.
Today I embrace, appreciate and love both my cultures for without the both I wont be the WOMAN that I am today. I am African in my STRENGTH AND RESILIENCE , I am Australian in my love for FREEDOM and my passion for EQUALITY for all.
In the meanwhile before our trip to Africa, I will be RESTORING myself , going back to the fundamentals doing a lot of soul-searching , being inquisitive and questioning everything as well as giving myself time to be more creative, I am going to chase and live in the adventurous and the artistic moments of the ever-changing Mariam.
I will be spending a lot of time improving on my writing and content of my blogs
with that said…
WELCOME TO MY FIRST BLOG SINCE 2016
stay tune for my next blog post